My Testimony

For my first post of this new year, I wanted to share my testimony of how I became new; that is, my testimony of salvation. Most times when I have an opportunity to share my testimony, it is the short version because of lack of time. I'm excited about this opportunity to share the full story, with all the details I don't usually get to mention. I hope it will be a blessing to you to read about God's grace in my life.

I was raised a very devout Catholic. I can't ever recall missing church....no matter what. I have an aunt that is a nun, 5 great-aunts that are nuns, and a great-uncle that is a priest. (4 of these being foreign missionaries) Growing up, my dad had dreams of someday becoming Pope. My family played the part well; following all the rules the church commanded. I remember my Grandma telling me about her collection of thread that she had snipped while sewing......she couldn't throw it away because she thought that would be the sin of wasting. Around my grandparents kitchen table the rosary was said every morning along with a long list of repetitive prayers. Every time a person left a room, we would sprinkle that room with holy water; blessing it in the name of the Lord. The list of works goes on and on. We were good Catholics.

My whole youth I can't recall ever feeling like I wasn't doing what was right. Now, I knew that I sinned, but as a Catholic we just went to confession (almost every Saturday), and that took care of it.....right? It wasn't until I was a teenager that I started to feel like maybe I wasn't on the right path. Only a few times stick out in my life of anyone talking to me about their faith. Once when I was in elementary school, I remember arguing with another little girl because I said that Jesus and Mary were sinless. She insisted to me that NO, only Jesus was sinless, not Mary. This was at around 8 or 9 years old, but that always stuck with me. Until then I don't remember ever hearing anyone contradict what I had been taught. Another time, in daycare, I got upset with a girl who told me I wasn't a real Christian because I was Catholic. I didn't understand what she meant at the time. Then, in 9th grade, when I was 14, I had a boyfriend who suddenly broke-up with me. His reason? Because I was Catholic, and he was Baptist. I really didn't understand that at all. Looking back on it, I can see that he was right....but I'm also saddened that he didn't tell me anything about his faith.

In my junior year of high school I was enrolled in confirmation classes at church. The Catholic Encyclopedia explains confirmation as, "A sacrament in which the Holy Ghost is given to those already baptized in order to make them strong and perfect Christians and soldiers of Jesus Christ." My class was set up to train us about the Catholic church, explain our duties as a Catholic, and to prepare us to "receive" the Holy Ghost by the bishop laying his hands on us. There were about 20 kids in my class, and I know for a fact that I'm the only one who did the work. Everyone else got the work from previous students and just copied. But I've always been classified as a "goody two-shoes", and my conscience wouldn't let me cheat. We had to research at least 10 previous Popes and write about them, and a whole "book" of other questions to look up and answer. I was at this point in my life when God sent someone to open my eyes to the truth.

For the second time in just a few years, my boyfriend was breaking-up with me because I was Catholic, and he was Baptist. (a different boy this time) I wasn't about to lose a boyfriend for this reason again. I was able to persuade him to change his mind by promising to go to church with him. I was only 17 at the time, so I did need to get my Dad's permission to go. Surprisingly, my Dad agreed; although reluctantly. I remember him expressing his concern and letting me know that he was worried about what I was going to hear at this different church. I told him, "Don't worry, Dad. I know what I believe; nothing is going to change that." My intentions for going to church with my boyfriend were definitely not pure; I was only trying to keep my relationship intact. Just as Genesis 50:20a says, "But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good..." God had a plan for my life.

The first church I attended, outside of my Catholic religion, was a small Missionary Baptist Church. If you've never attended a Catholic Mass, then you just can't imagine how different these two types of services are. I felt very out of place and awkward. I don't remember hearing anything the preacher said honestly, I think I was just overwhelmed by my surroundings. But I do remember that the people were friendly, and I knew I would be going back. Soon, I was also attending Sunday School and youth activities as well. I cannot remember hearing about salvation in church. If it was preached, then I either was not listening, or it was explained in ways that I just didn't understand.

What impressed upon me most at this time was the people in the church. They were different than the Catholics I knew. For the most part, these people lived daily what they believed; not just on Sunday. One particular youth activity really grabs hold of my memory. We were playing some kind of Bible trivia game. The youth leader was going around the circle of kids, asking each a question. As each question was asked, I thought to myself, "I have no idea what the answer could be!" Yet, each answer was given as if they'd known it their whole lives. I started to get nervous about my turn that was coming. I thought for sure that I'd be asked a question that the others would see as simple, and I wouldn't know the answer. Hindsight allows me to see how the youth leader viewed me. He knew my situation and intentionally gave me an easy question. Probably something like, "Who built the ark?" These questions were not deep Biblical doctrine; they were things that my 4 year old knows. But at 17, I had never heard any of it! Later that night, when I was on my own, I had time to think back. All my life I thought I knew so much. I thought I had all the answers. I knew everything the Catholic church had taught me. But I could see now that I didn't know very much at all. I felt that I should have a knowledge of my Bible, likes these Baptist kids did. So I began to read it for the first time.

Reading the Bible is not something that is encouraged in the Catholic faith. I remember reading in the book of Luke, 14:26, "If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." I just could not understand what that meant, so I asked my Dad. Instead of an answer, I got a lecture about how I should not be reading my Bible without a priest to explain it to me. ??? In my mind.......Baptists--1, Catholics--0

I was still going to confirmation classes, and the Catholic Mass (on Saturday night), and attending the Baptist church and classes. I was no longer comfortable and confident in the Catholic church. I started to question everything. I began carrying a notebook with me wherever I went. Whenever a question would come to my mind, I would write it down and then ask the priest, and ask the Baptist preacher. Boy, I wish I had kept that notebook!! With each question that was answered, the "points" really starting racking up for the Baptists. Yet, I went ahead in my confirmation classes, and the date of the confirmation "ceremony" was getting closer. I started to doubt going through with it though; I was so confused.

Around this time, my boyfriend and I would casually speak of marriage. (No lectures about our age please....I admit it....I was young and stupid) This is when I was introduced to a new word. He insisted that he could not marry me, because I was not saved. Saved?? I had honestly never heard that term before. I don't know which is more sad, that fact that it took him 9 months of dating to bring this up, or his explanation of salvation. He told me that being saved meant that I had to believe that Jesus was perfect, was crucified, and then resurrected. That made no sense to me......I had believed all of those things for as long as I could remember. Even though his grasp of salvation may have been lacking, the seed was still planted, and soon someone would come along to give it a little water.

God sent me a new friend at school. A boy named James, a couple of years younger than me, whom I sang with in the choir. We got to talking during after-school practices and bus trips to competitions. I found out that he also was Baptist, so I shared some of my questions and struggles with him. I don't remember a direct witness of salvation from him, but he did give me something that made a big impact. He gave me two booklets to read, both by John R. Rice. 'Dear Catholic Friend', and 'Answers To My Catholic Friends'. In Bro. Rice's gentle way, he exposed the truth behind many of the Catholic church's lies, and opened my eyes to see that I wasn't on the right path. I now keep copies of 'Dear Catholic Friend' on my bookshelf to give to other Catholics.

The weekend of my confirmation was only a few days away now and I was very torn up about it. I knew now that I could not believe in the Catholic church any longer, but what was I supposed to do? I had to give a reason to my Dad for my decision of not being confirmed. I told him that I didn't understand how I did all the work for my confirmation, while the other kids did nothing, and yet they were going to receive the Holy Ghost because the bishop put his hands on them, but because he didn't touch my head, I would receive nothing. It didn't seem right to me. My Dad didn't have an answer, but he urged me to go through with it anyway. My Grandma was very upset, and scared for me. She was so afraid that I would die without having this sacrament. I did/do not like to disappoint my family; but I could not go through with it.

Over these few months, I had many talks with people, asked many questions, heard preaching.... but I don't ever recall being given a clear presentation of how to be saved. But, by God's grace, each of these things had been a small piece of the puzzle that eventually fit together to make a whole picture. On the night of May 21, 1995, I laid in my bed unable to sleep. Everything I had heard and read was going through my mind. I had never been told "how" to be saved, but I knew that is what I needed. I finally understood what my boyfriend had tried to tell me many months before. It wasn't enough to believe that Jesus lived a perfect life, died, and rose again. I needed to believe that Jesus did those things for me. I needed to understand that I was a sinner, and my payment for that sin was hell. I didn't understand everything at the time, but I knew that Jesus was my way to heaven. I knew that there was nothing I could do on my own. I begged Jesus to save me. I fell asleep that night with a peace that passes all understanding.

The story doesn't end there, of course. The next day I was so excited to call my boyfriend and tell him what had happened. I told him that last night I got saved. His response would haunt me for years to come. He said, "Did you ask for forgiveness for your sins?" Instantly, doubt crept into my heart. Oh no....had I done it wrong? Was I supposed to say something that I didn't say? Maybe I'm not really saved! It took a while to understand that God knew my heart, and he wasn't listening for a "magical" set of words. That was the morning of the first day. Little did I know that the road would get bumpier!

Telling my family that I got saved, and wanted to attend the Baptist church exclusively was the hardest thing I had ever had to do at that time in my life. I'll spare you the drama, but it was a lot of arguing discussing, my Grandpa cutting me out of his will, my Grandma crying every time I entered the room, and trying to persuade my Dad to allow me to go to church. By this time I had purchased my own car, but my Dad wouldn't let me drive it to church, so my boyfriend drove well out of his way 3 times a week to pick me up for church. Not long after I got saved, my boyfriend and I broke up. I believe that God used that relationship for a season to get the work done, but once I was saved, it would no longer be tolerated. But God wouldn't leave me to fall away, and he quickly gave me a new and better ride to church.

My friend James, from the school choir, asked his parents to stop by and pick me up on the way to their church.....an Independent Fundamental Baptist Church. Now I was going to hear some preaching! James' family picked me up every week without fail. His parents, James, his brother and sister, and I all crammed into their little car and merrily drove off to church singing and laughing. I love that family very dearly. Many weeks I would be invited to eat lunch with them and spend the afternoon at their home between services. I learned a lot about a true Christian family from my time spent in their presence. I can't say enough about them.....I know God placed them in my life.

I knew that I needed to be baptized, but since I was still living at home I needed my Dad's permission. He would not agree to that. He couldn't control all of my decisions, but he wanted to hold on to the ones that he could influence. My Pastor wisely instructed me to respect my Father, and wait to be baptized until I no longer lived under his roof. He assured me that God did not consider it disobedience to delay baptism, if it meant respecting your parents. I agreed. I graduated high school on a Sunday that May, 1996. The following week I was living in an apartment with a friend. I wanted to be baptized right away, but our church was under construction, and we didn't have a baptismal at the time. Eventually, so many people were waiting to be baptized that a local farm supply store let our church borrow a horse trough as a baptismal. How's that for an interesting conversational piece? I was baptized in a horse trough.

Many, many more events have taken place in my 12 1/2 years of salvation. I have made many mistakes, and been disobedient to my Lord more times than I care to remember. But God's grace and mercy have seen me through, and he continues to bless me to this day. Praise God that my only brother and his wife got saved shortly after I did, although not because of my testimony. They are now serving as missionaries in Africa. (see my side bar for their church link) However, no other members of my family have accepted Christ as their Savior. The Catholic church and their own pride have a firm grip on them. My brother and I continue to pray for them and witness to them. I could go on, and on, and on, but I suppose I'll save that for another post.

I hope to encourage each of you to write out your testimony. Writing this has been such a blessing for me. God has unlocked memories that I didn't even know were there. I can see how God has been with me, even before I was saved. If you don't have a testimony of salvation....you could have one today. Jesus is the same yesterday, today, forever. He was there for me, and he'll be there for you. He's already paid the price for your sins; he's just waiting for you to accept his payment of love and grace. If you'd like to know more, please e-mail me. (The address is in my profile) And if you decide to write out your testimony of salvation; let me know. I'd love to read the story of God's grace in your life!