This past week has been one struggle after another with my son. He is a little over 5 years old now, and from the time he was born one thing was crystal clear about him. He has a very strong will. I don't want to squash all aspects of this characteristic, after all, it can be a good thing if used in the right way. However, he needs to learn to submit to authority... not because he wants to, but because God said he should. After all, we can not be right with God if we are not living in obedience to him, and that includes submission. I know that's a big concept for a 5 year old to grasp, but if it's taught young, he won't have as much trouble with it when he's older. But his will his proving very hard to break.
Last week he decided to show his control over one of the few areas of his life that he has complete control over.... eating. My son is usually a very good eater; he loves things that some kids would usually balk at, such as spinach, beans, hummus, okra, etc. But for some reason last week, nothing could please him. I made a meal that he usually likes, but he refused to eat. He sat at the table while the rest of us ate our dinner, holding that first bite in his mouth the entire time. When dinner was over, the food went in the refrigerator as left overs for the next meal (breakfast), and he went off to an early bed. The next day he refused to eat breakfast, then lunch, then dinner.... then started over the next day; same thing. He was offered his food each time, but always refused to eat. By the third day he was throwing up bile from not having anything in his stomach. I finally caved and gave him a piece of dry toast. Then the next meal came (a new one this time), and he started all over again... we're on a total of day 7 now. Just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with him physically. He's not sick. He's not even throwing fits or anything, he just calmly says, "I don't like it." And this isn't the first time he's done this; but this is the longest he's ever held out. Today the fatigue is setting in. It's no wonder; the child has inputed no energy, and so has none to expend. I am about at my wit's end.
I have tried everything I can think. Offers of yummy desserts, letting him pick the next meal if he will finish the one he has, taking away certain privileges, etc. He even received a much awaited toy in the mail a few days ago that he hasn't been allowed to play with yet because of all this. I refuse to bribe him with out of the ordinary treats in "reward" for doing something he is supposed to do anyway. The last two days have come down to acting like nothing is going on, and not making a big deal of it; just in case he was only after the attention. Nothing is making this kid budge. I'm not worried about his physical health; he will not starve. I just want this battle to be over. I could really use your help.... any suggestions??
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I hate to say it but keep on keepin' on. As you said, he has a very strong will that I believe will only get more powerful as he gets older (hence the holding out longer than ever before). He needs to learn to submit to the authority placed over him. This lesson will prove to help the other ones knowing you will not cave. I wouldn't even offer him desserts or anything. Just act like it is the most normal thing in the world for him not to eat and keep presenting him with the same food. Don't mention it, he knows he is not eating and he knows what will happen if he doesn't complete his meal (he gets it again next time). I had the same problem with mine and as soon as they knew I was serious they seem to back down. I told one of mine that served herself a huge bowl of soup that had never been tried before that she was going to have to eat it all, there was no, I don't like it, she sat there for hours and hours. Finally I saw it for what it was, disobedience, and I told her she was going to get spanked and she said ok! She thought she was going to get spanked and then not have to eat! I told her NO NO! She would get spanked and then she would finish her food. It was gone relatively quick. If my kids don't like something I don't make them eat it but if they have never had it they have to try it and honestly report what they think of it.
You know, Laura, now that I read your comment I remember talking with you about this before, years ago, about the same stubborn little boy. **SIGH**
Will it ever get better??
I agree with Laura, but I know how hard it is. We didn't have one that refused to eat for such a long time, but each of our 3 kids tested me to see just how far they could pitch a fit before I'd stop spanking them. It was a huge battle with each one (and our daughter even defied my husband!) but each one learned that they have to do what we say. Now we have 3 sweet, submissive teens. My 2 boys will do anything for me, and my daughter is like my right arm, with the sweetest attitude. Consistency is the key!
Okay, so I was one of those little girls. I was served something that I LOVED, but refused to eat it. My dad told me to eat it, and I sat there...off to the bedroom for a spanking then back to the table...this happened 15 times in one meal before I ate it. Now, I have a hard time leaving even a crumb on my plate.
My boys are "war" lovers in that they can relate to soldiers and enemies, etc. I recently had a talk with one of my boys when he was not suspecting a "serious" conversation.
I asked him, "When you have an enemy, what do you do? Do you do what he wants you to do, or do you do what he doesn't want you to do?" His answer was that he doesn't do what the enemy wants just because he want to make him mad. Then I brought in how he was making the enemy (the devil) happy with his actions; how he had control over his actions and only he could choose to obey or disobey the enemy.
Hope this helps. Hang in there.
Praise GOD! It does get better! When we were in Okinawa I would always buy one thing that we hadn't tried before and make everyone (excpet Wade LOL! can't MAKE him do anything) try it. I always got a stubborn response from the middle child. I figured we were on an adventure most people don't get to have, lets make the most of it. I applied the same rules to myself, of course. Michelle, now, will offer to try something before I even ask and will, as fas as I know, give me an honest response to how she likes it. We have expanded her palette in huge ways! I am so thankful to the Lord for his great blessings to me and as long as we keep firm things do get a lot better. One quick thing, there was a time when our oldest was young and Wade and I had a time with her. We spanked her so many times for rebellion in one day we went to bed thinking we had to be the worst parents EVER! She is now a wonderful young lady that not only am I happy to call her my daughter but my sister in Christ. She teaches me things all the time because she has a different view point. She is a blessing, as are the other two, but she's my only "adult"! Oh and by the by, I am not taking ANY credit for my great kids, it all belongs to God!
Laura
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